joy down in my heart

I was thinking about what mattered most to me this past week. It was joy. It was mouthfuls of laughter and seeing my children look happier lately. It was seeing long- lost friends. It was seeing the realest friends. It was not looking at the internet very much. It was my dad in a trucker hat laughing his ass off on top of a big hill in Southeastern Ohio. It was celebrating life and death in the same weekend. It was kissing in cars. Walking through woods. It was going through an ATM for the first time in years and taking money out. Wow, money is fun. I tipped in cash. I found joy in the dropping of the cash on bars. On tables. It was the evening light that stays longer now. It was everything weirdly wrong and right at the same time and I think this is how is will always be. Fuck it. I like it. Still.

Joy is great pleasure. I want this for you.

I used to write on my friends at parties.

On their skin. I want to do that again. It was joyful.